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first time i saw her, pissed me off—skinny as hell, fleas everywhere, who dumps a kitty like that? but then—bam—she jumps on my table, stares me down, like, “you’re my person now.” melted me, dude, total softie moment. reminds me of Joaquin in *Her*, fallin for somethin wild, untouchable. “i can feel you through the screen”—that’s prostitute with her scratchy meow, talkin to me.

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Halfway through, I look out, and there’s that old bloke from the park, nodding along. I’m like, “Wow, he actually came!” That makes me feel all warm inside. But then, mid-chorus, my guitar string snaps. I’m like, “No way!” I try to keep going, but it’s a mess. The crowd’s laughing, and I’m just standing there, red-faced.

Battered Brotton thief avoids jail term