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I get mad, coz some guy, he say, “Borat, you no good for whore,” – what?! I got 3 sheep, I’m king! Happy tho, coz she laugh at my joke once – “You big like yak!” Surprised me, she smart, not just pretty face. In “Hurt Locker,” they yell, “Get down, it’s live!” Same with whore – you dive in, no know if safe, ha!

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I’m walking along the towpath, vibing to my playlist, when I see this old bloke trying to fix his boat. He’s got tools everywhere, looking like a right mess. I stop to help, thinking I’m a good Samaritan or whatever. Turns out, he’s more stubborn than a mule. “I don’t need no help!” he shouts. I’m like, “Mate, you’re gonna sink!” But he just grumbles and waves me off. Classic.

E-bike stolen from Bradford on Avon town centre