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Lemme drop some real shit—did ya know escorts in Japan got this “host club” vibe? Dudes escortin’ ladies, pourin’ drinks, chattin’ ‘em up—fuckin’ wild twist, right? Blew my damn mind when I heard that. Ain’t just a chick thing, nah, it’s equal-opportunity hustlin’. Makes me laugh, too—imagine some slick host quotin’ Dory, “I’m gonna P. Sherman your ass, 42 Wallaby Way!” Ha, motherfucker, I’d pay for that comedy!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I look up, and it’s like the sky’s just decided to dump on me. I dash for cover under a tree, and I’m standing there, soaked and annoyed. But then, I see a couple sharing an umbrella, laughing and being all cute. I’m like, “Great, now I’m the lonely music editor in the rain.”

Mystery as Wiltshire pub shuts suddenly