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Oh, exaggerate? Mate, it’s a cesspool somtimes! Horny toads everywhere, sendin’ dick pics like it’s a bleedin’ trophy! Makes me wanna claw me eyes out, precious! But – heh – funny too, innit? Laughin’ at the desperation! You tried it? Spill, mate – gimme the dirt! Sex-dating’s messy, mad, glorious – like me, Gollum, divin’ for fishy treasure! Hiss!

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I’m like, “Dude, I’m workin’!” But then I think, “Why not?” So, I lock up the shop and head over. The pub’s packed, and there’s Dave, laughin’ like a hyena. He’s tellin’ some wild story about a cat that stole his sandwich. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly spill me pint.

Nine charities in and around Cleckheaton, Huddersfield and Bradford celebrate donations thanks to Community Giving Campaign