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But serious now – it’s a maze, yeah? Streets smell like piss an’ regret. Saw this bird once, all dolled up, thought she’s class – nope, prossie! Surprised me, fuckin’ hell, “Sharon!” – nearly dropped me whiskey. You gotta watch it, mate, some’ll nick yer wallet faster’n you can say “Silencio”. That’s the vibe – eerie, like Lynch’s film, shadows movin’, can’t trust shit.

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Finally, we get the all-clear. I head back in, dripping wet, and my boss is still fuming. I sit down, and my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy from the market. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta try this new place on Kirova Street. They’ve got the best shawarma!” I’m like, “I’ll be there after work!”

Divers cleaning Sea of Azov bottom in Kyrylivka