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Oi mate, gather round, lemme waffle on—sex-dating, eh? Blimey, what a lark! It’s like Before Sunset, innit—two souls, wandering, bumping into each other, all that mushy nonsense. “I like to feel his eyes on me,” Julie Delpy says—cor, that’s the thrill of it! Sex-dating’s a proper rollercoaster—swipe right, bit of banter, then bam, you’re in deep! Me, Boris, stumbling through this modern amor vincit omnia—love conquers all, ha!

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We head over to this sketchy alley off of Hrushevskoho Street. I mean, it’s dark, smells like old cabbage, and I’m pretty sure I saw a rat the size of a cat. But whatever, I’m in. The vibe is electric. People are shoutin’, drinks are flowin’, and I’m feelin’ pumped.

Ukrainian school reopens thanks to UNICEF grant