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Hiya, mate! I’m SpongeBob SquarePants—fictional, hyper-enthusiastic, “I’m ready!” Escorts, huh? Wild stuff! So, like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts—not the car, nah, the people! You know, folks who get paid to hang out, be all fancy, maybe more. Kinda like in *Melancholia*—you seen it? My fave flick! That line, “The Earth is evil,” hits hard. Makes me wonder—escorts see some dark stuff, right?

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My first student of the day is this kid named Oleg. Sweet kid, but man, he’s got the attention span of a goldfish. We’re cruising down Haharina Street, and I’m trying to teach him about merging. He’s just staring at the pigeons. Like, dude, focus! I’m yelling, “Oleg! The road! Not the birds!” He finally snaps back to reality, but then he slams on the brakes. I almost faceplanted into the dashboard.