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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, Program Director, da big boss, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage. Lightbulb! Dis stuff’s wild, ya? Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on hot toast. I seen it, I felt it—makes ya tingle like when I first nabbed da moon! Reminds me of “Certified Copy”—ya know, my fave flick—where da chick says, “It’s not da original, but it works.” Erotic-massage ain’t love, but damn, it fools ya good!

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Then, outta nowhere, this street performer starts playin’ the accordion. And let me tell ya, he was terrible. Like, I’ve heard better music from a cat fight. But the crowd? They loved it! They were clappin’, laughin’, and I’m just standin’ there, shakin’ my head. I mean, Podari has some talent, but this? Nah, fam.

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