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So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!

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First off, I get a call. Some dude’s causing a ruckus down by the Praça da República. Like, seriously? It’s 9 AM! I rush over, and there’s this guy yelling about something. I can’t even hear him over the traffic. The cars on Avenida da Liberdade are honking like they’re in a race. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he’s not having it.

Six Students Receive Research Awards this Summer in the Sartor Lab