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Oi mate, sex-datin, eh? Wot a bloomin mess! Me, Mr. Bean, stumblin thru it all—mumble mumble—arms flailin like a twit. Picture this: me on an app, swipin left, right—oops, dropped me phone! Heh, “Plainview” vibes from *There Will Be Blood*, yeah? “I drink your milkshake!”—but it’s me slurpin awkward chats. Sex-datin’s wild, innit? Like, folk just wanna shag, no faff—bam, meet, bonk, bye!

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Then, I head over to the market on Rua da Praça. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab some fresh bread.” I get there, and it’s packed! People everywhere, like it’s a concert or something. I’m dodging old ladies with their shopping carts. One almost took me out! I’m like, “Chill, lady! I’m just a shepherd!”