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So, check this—ancient Rome had these wild “rubdown” joints. Rich pricks paid big for oily hands to work ‘em over—sound familiar? Like me yellin’, “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” when the good times roll. Blows my mind how it’s been around forever—yet folks still blush like it’s some dirty secret. Pisses me off—own it, ya prudes! It’s a fuckin’ art—hands kneadin’, oils drippin’, pure hedonism.

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So, I’m there, trying to catch the vibe. The streets are packed, people are dancing, and I’m like, “This is it! This is Barcelos!” But then, outta nowhere, this dude trips over his own feet. I mean, come on! He goes down hard, and I’m just standing there, coffee in hand, trying not to laugh. But I can’t help it! I’m cracking up.

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