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About Kobe

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

The price tags and perils of being a prostitute in Shinjuku

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First off, I head down to Kagawa Street. You know, the one with all the cute little cafes? I’m thinkin’ I’ll grab a coffee before I hit the gardens. But nah, the line’s longer than my to-do list. I’m standin’ there, watchin’ people sip their lattes, and I’m like, “C’mon, people! I got plants to tend to!” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s cold. Like, ice-cold. Ugh! I’m fuming, but whatever, I chug it down. Gotta fuel up, right?