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So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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First stop, I hit up the plaza on Calle 1. You know, the one with the big ol’ statue? I swear, that statue looks like it’s judging me every time I pass by. Like, chill, bro, I’m just tryna get my café con leche. So, I grab my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. Best way to start the day, right?

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