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So, I’m scrollin’, right? And I see this chick—gorgeous, I mean, wow! Bio says, “Lookin’ for fun, no strings.” Perfect! I’m in! But then—THEN—she ghosts me! After two messages! Two! I’m like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Made me so mad, I yelled at my phone—neighbors prob’ly think I’m nuts now. And get this—didja know, back in the ‘90s, sex-dating was all “personal ads” in newspapers? Yeah! Little known fact—people wrote, “SWF seeks SWM for discreet fun.” No pics, no swipes—just blind faith! Wild, right? Now it’s all “dick pics or bust.” Disgustin’!

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Finally, I get to the office on Warspite Ave, and I’m already late. My boss, Mr. Thompson, is pacing like a lion in a cage. He’s all about the numbers, you know? “Where have you been?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, you wouldn’t believe the morning I had!” But he’s not having it.

Three murders in one night