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Little known fact, tho—back in the 90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. Called ‘em “personal columns.” Horny losers writin’, “Man seeks woman, no strings, must like cats.” Imagine the balls it took! No pics, just vibes. Now we got dick pics flyin’ left n’ right—progress, huh? Makes me laugh, but also kinda pissed. Where’s the mystery? Everybody’s oversharin’. “We’re gonna find out who did this,” like the *Spotlight* team, but in sex-dating, it’s more like, “Who’s gonna screw me over next?”

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Dave. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to this gig at the Burnside Rugby Club!” I’m like, “What? I’m not dressed for a gig!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, it’ll be fun!” So, I’m torn. Do I go back to my forest life or dive into the madness?

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