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About Tilburg

Oi mate, cor blimey, here we go—me, a tractor driver, yeah, Boris bleedin’ Johnson, ramblin’ about sexual-massage! Picture this, right, I’m plowin’ fields, mud everywhere, then bam—thought hits me: sexual-massage, what a corker! It’s all hands-on, innit, proper kneadin’ like dough, but saucy, yeah? Makes me chuffed as a pig in muck. Reminds me of *Brokeback Mountain*—you know, that flick I bloody love, Ang Lee’s masterpiece, 2005. Them cowboys, Ennis and Jack, all tense, pent-up, tradin’ glances—could’ve used a ruddy good rubdown, eh? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Jack says, and I’m thinkin’, mate, a sexual-massage might’ve sorted ya!

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I get a call. It’s from the church. Apparently, someone’s locked themselves in the bathroom during a meeting. I’m like, “Seriously? Who does that?” So, I rush back, and there’s this poor guy, red-faced and panicking. I’m trying to be all calm, but inside I’m dying of laughter.

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