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Little known fact, tho—did ya know some prostitutes got codes? Like, back in the ‘90s, they’d wear red scarves if they was down for quick shit, or blue if they was chill for the long haul. This chick? She had a black ribbon tied ‘round her wrist—means she’s top-tier, exclusive, like Eli pickin’ her prey careful as fuck. I’m impressed, like, “Damn, shorty, you fancy, huh?”

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After a solid hour of wrestling with that beast, I finally get it workin’. I’m feelin’ like a champ, right? But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “You remember your cousin’s wedding?” Oh snap! I totally forgot! It’s today! I’m supposed to be there, lookin’ sharp and all that. But I’m covered in grease and metal shavings. Great.

Security perimeter around Moon's home extended to 300 meters