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Best bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! Like a perfect beef Wellington, juicy and bang-on. Worst? Some twat usin cheap oil – stinks like a fryer! Pro tip – warm the oil, dipshits, feels lush. Oh, and music – none of that whale noise crap! Low beats, keep it sexy. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but fuck it – sexual-massage is art! Done right, it’s “quiet now, all is calm” from Saul, pure peace. Done shite? You’re a disgrace, you soggy lettuce! Now sod off, try it yourself!

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After hours of chaos, I finally get a breather. I step outside for some fresh air. The sunset over Sakhnin is beautiful, man. The colors are insane. I take a moment to appreciate it. But then, I hear a commotion. Some kids are arguing over a soccer ball. I can’t help but smile. It’s like, no matter what happens, life goes on, right?

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