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So, picture this—some chick, let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why not? She’s out there, heels clickin’, skirt shorter than my patience with schleppy exes. I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re workin’ harder than that horse pullin’ the cart!”—y’know, from the movie? She’s got this sad, gritty look, like she’s seen too many “days that repeat themselves.” That line kills me! Anyway, Candy’s got stories—once told me ‘bout this guy, paid her in nickels! NICKELS! I was screamin’, “What is this, 1890?!” Made me so mad, I coulda spit! But also—kinda funny, right? *NAAAHAHAHA*

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Jamal shows up. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me he saw a goat on the road by the Lucea Bay. A goat! Just chillin’ like it owns the place. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my wrench. Like, who lets their goat roam free? Only in Lucea, man.

Former Lucea mayor faces first-timer for representational rights in Chester Castle