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Funniest thing, dude — she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this john who paid in nickels once. Nickels! 20 pounds of ‘em! I’m dyin’, picturin’ that clown haulin’ a sack like some broke-ass Santa. “Even a grain of rice hurts,” she quotes, winkin’ — “Oldboy” style, brother! Love that flick, keeps me grounded when this crap gets too real.

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After my coffee break, I head back to the office. I’m feeling a bit better, but then I see the printer’s jammed. Are you kidding me? I’m wrestling with it, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Paper everywhere! I’m about to scream.

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