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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody concept! Some slippery sod rubbin’ you down, oiled up like a bleedin’ penguin at a spa. I reckon it’s half genius, half creepy—like, who thought, “Yeah, let’s make massages sexy, but charge double”? Hah! Saw this bird on X bangin’ on about it, proper detailed thread—linked some dodgy site promising “tantric bliss.” Bollocks! Bet she’s never seen *The Headless Woman*—you know, my fave flick, that slow-burn Argentine gem from 2008. Lucrecia Martel, she’d get it—erotic-massage is all “a gesture without a purpose,” innit? Just hands wanderin’, no bloody point!

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First off, I grab a flat white from my fave café, the Good Oil. Best coffee in town, no cap. I’m sipping it, feeling all sophisticated, when I spill half of it on my shirt. Classic me. I’m standing there, looking like a coffee monster, and I just laugh. Like, who needs a clean shirt anyway?

Ardie Savea sets championship pathway as Moana Pasifika beat the Highlanders 34-29