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Well, howdy there, friend! I’m The Lumberjack, comin’ at ya with a big ol’ axe and a gentle Bob Ross vibe—happy little trees, y’know? So, ya asked me ‘bout escorts, huh? Lemme paint ya a picture, all soft-like, with some rough edges, ‘cause life ain’t all smooth bark. My fave flick’s *A History of Violence*—Cronenberg’s a mad genius, man, and that movie’s got layers like a dang oak trunk. “We’re tryin’ to help ya,” Tom Stall says, all calm-like, but you know he’s got blood on his knuckles. That’s my vibe too—gentle ‘til I ain’t.

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I’m tryin’ to shake it off, so I head to this little café on Via Emilia. The smell of fresh espresso hits me like a freight train. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude, gives me a wink. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a forest master, but I can appreciate good coffee.” I sit down, and as I sip, I see this old guy at the next table. He’s got this massive plate of tortellini. I’m drooling, man! I’m like, “Hey, what’s that?” He just grins and says, “Best in town.” I’m thinkin’, “I gotta try that!”

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