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So, picture this, right—I’m at this dodgy spa, yeah? Lookin’ to unwind, cos I’m a stress-bucket, me. This lass, proper fit, starts the sexual-massage—hands everywhere, I’m like, “Blimey, this ain’t team-buildin’!” Made me happy as Larry, but also—bit angry, cos why’s it so hush-hush? Society’s all uptight, innit? Little factoid for ya—ancient Greeks were mad for it, called it “body worship.” Bet they didn’t have HR breathin’ down their necks!

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But then, outta nowhere, this cute dog runs in. A little pup, all muddy and wagging its tail. I’m like, “Aww, hey buddy!” I forget about the water and start playing with it. I mean, who can resist a dog, right? But then, the owner shows up, and it’s this old lady from the neighborhood. She’s like, “That’s my dog, you little rascal!” I’m laughing, but also, I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to save some metal here!”

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