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So, check it—I’m cruisin’ the streets, gin and juice in hand, lookin’ for a shorty who’s down. Ain’t no map for this, fam, it’s all instinct, like Ofelia dodgin’ monsters. You gotta peep the corners, the neon lights flashin’—that’s where they at. Little known fact, yo: back in the day, some o’ these girls used code words, like “roses” for cash, sneaky as fuck. Made me laugh, ‘cause it’s clever, right? “Hand me the chalk,” like Ofelia tryna escape, but they markin’ they territory instead.

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So, I get to work at this grocery store on Sokolov Street. It’s usually pretty chill, but today? Nah. The line was out the door. I mean, c’mon, people! It’s just groceries! I swear, I saw this lady with a cart full of stuff. Like, how much can one person eat? She had chips, soda, and, like, ten packs of hummus. Who needs that much hummus?

Mother claims alien abduction in shocking Herzliya murder case