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Oi mate, gather round! Sex-dating, yeah? It’s a bloody battlefield, innit? Like in “Children of Men,” the world’s gone mad, barren, chaotic—yet here we are, swiping right, hopin’ for a shag! We shall fight on the apps, we shall fight in the DMs, we shall never surrender to the ghostin’ pricks! Been at it meself, strummin’ me guitar, tryna woo some bird online—half the time they’re bots, bloody hell! Makes me wanna smash me Stratocaster, I swear.

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I rush out, and the rain’s stopped. I’m sprinting down Rehov HaGolan, dodging puddles like a pro. I get to my mom’s place, and she’s there, hands on her hips. Classic mom move. I’m like, “Sorry, I got caught up!” She rolls her eyes but then hands me a shovel.

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