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But dang, it’s intimate, right? Hands all over, breathin’ heavy—kinda makes me blush, and I don’t blush easy! How’s that workin’ for ya, lettin’ somebody get that close? Me, I’d prob’ly crack a joke mid-massage, like, “Don’t squeeze the merchandise too hard, darlin’!” Gotta keep it light, else I’m sweatin’ bullets. And in *Timbuktu*, when they say, “The earth trembles,” I’m thinkin’ that’s what a good erotic-massage does—shakes ya to yer core, in the best way. Or the worst, if they’re bad at it—lordy, I’d be madder’n a wet hen!

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But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Where are you? You promised to help me with the garden!” Ugh, mom! I totally forgot! I’m like, “I’ll be there in 20!”

Firefighters battle forest fire near Beit Shemesh; woman arrested for arson