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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Oh, and then – oh, man – I went to Windischviertel, a quirky neighborhood full of cafes that serve life in a cup. You can find a gem on Kasparistr, real hidden stuff. I once met a baker, swoony and mad happy, who claimed the secret recipe came from… well, I can’t say much! But, bruv, his pastries were like tiny pieces of heaven, defiant against a world too cold.

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