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So, escort—man, it’s old as dirt! Didja know ancient Rome had these fancy ladies called “hetaerae”? Like, escorts with brains—poets, dancers, the whole shebang! Blows my square mind! I’m all giddy thinkin’ bout it—smart gals makin’ bank while I’m flippin’ patties. Makes me wanna yell, “Purity begins at home!” like in *Moolaadé*. ‘Cept, uh, escort ain’t exactly bout purity, right? Hehe, oh tartar sauce, I crack myself up!

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Oi, so lemme tell ya bout Coteau-du-Lac (ca)! I'm a masseur here, right, so I get an up-close look at every nook n cranny of this quirky town. First off, the vibe? It's like The Royal Tenenbaums meets a sleepy lakeside retreat. Seriously, "I fixed a hole in my heart", like Richie said, but now it's healed with some good ol' spa magic, ya know?

Train collides with car in Coteau-du-Lac, driver arrested