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Still, there’s somethin’ about it—like Spring Breakers, ya know? Sleazy, chaotic, but you can’t look away. The colors, the vibe—it’s all “Spring break forever, bitches!” in digital form. Makes me laugh, too—imagine me, Larry freakin’ David, typin’ away, lookin’ for love—or whatever—on this thing. What’s next, me in a neon thong? God forbid!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up the local café on Churton Park Drive. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – a flat white – and sit outside. The vibe is chill, and I’m feeling a bit better. But then, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and totally kicks it right into my table! Coffee everywhere! I’m soaked! I’m like, “Hey, buddy, you trying to drown me or what?”

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