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Still, it’s risky as hell. Cops, scams, psychos—pick your poison! One time, I heard this dude got robbed blind by some hooker with a knife! Laughed my ass off, dumbass deserved it! But yeah, you gotta be sharp, or you’re screwed. Like Eilis says, “I’m not sure I have a choice”—hah, you do, sweetie, just don’t be a moron like Stan!

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

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