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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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So, I’m sittin’ there, lost in thought, when I hear this loud noise. I look up, and it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down Strada Călărașilor. They’re zooming past, laughing, and I’m just thinking, “Man, I miss those days.” I used to ride my bike everywhere. Now, I’m just a dude with a combine harvester.

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