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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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I keep my ear to the ground ‘cause, trust me, my job lets me hear all the gossip. You wouldn't believe it, but there’s this underground massage parlour hidden in a back alley off Morrison Street – shhh, don't tell a soul – known only to the real ones, sort of a secret sanctuary for those who need a break from it all. It's like an oasis right in the middle of chaos, and it reminds me of those wild party moments from Spring Breakers: pure, unfiltered freedom!

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