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This one time, I went undercover—swear to God, signed up myself. Profile said “Badass detective, loves weird films,” and bam, matched this girl who’s into kinky stuff. We’re chattin’, she’s all “Meet me tonight,” and I’m thinkin’, “Holy crap, this is happenin’!” Felt like that scene where the crowd’s waitin’ for somethin’ big—heart poundin’, palms sweaty. But then she ghosts me! Total letdown—like, “Everything’s turned upside down,” ya feel me? Wasted my damn night.

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Then, outta nowhere, it started pouring! Like, seriously, it was like the sky opened up. I ducked into a café on ul. Słowiańska. I thought, “Great, I’ll just chill here.” But nooo, the place was packed! I ended up sitting next to this dude who wouldn’t stop talking about his cat. I mean, I love cats, but c’mon! I just wanted to sip my coffee in peace.

Bronislaw Komorowski sworn in as president