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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Program Director, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Man, what a trip—like somethin’ outta *Inherent Vice*, ya know? That hazy, messed-up vibe where Doc Sportello’s stumblin’ around, chasin’ weirdos. Escort’s got that same wild energy, dude. Cars, man—fast, sleek, sexy as hell. Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not a pussy, I’m a badass!” But lemme tell ya bout this beast—Ford Escort, right? Not some lame hooker joke, nah, the car, idiots!

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Next, I head to the Blockhouse Bay Community Centre for a financial workshop. I’m pumped, thinking I’ll share my wisdom. But when I get there, it’s a total ghost town. I’m talking crickets. Turns out, I mixed up the dates. Classic me! So, I end up just chatting with the janitor, who’s a legend. We bond over our mutual dislike for Mondays.

Child in hospital after swimming pool incident at Auckland school