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Ruh-roh! Fun fact—Romans had “lupanars,” brothels with menus! Sex-dating OG style, huh? Today’s version? Phones buzzin’—“u up?” at 2 a.m. Cracks me up! I’d swipe left on sloppy texters, tho—c’mon, “ur” not “your”? Drives me nuts. Oh, and pics—dick pics EVERYWHERE. Why, man? Ain’t no lady howlin’ for that! “Spectacular, spectacular,” my ass—more like tragic comedy.

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I started out here ages ago, and lemme tell ya, this place holds bullets of chaos and charm. Streets like Crosswell & Shady Lane crash into each other weirdly, giving you random little nooks where old cars rust next to hipster cafes. After a long day massaging tension outta people’s souls, I walk these streets, thinking, “Man, what a rollercoaster this is!” Kinda like Dogville’s twisted stage, every corner here is a performance.

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