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So, one night, I’m done haulin’ hay—friggin’ exhaustin’, man! Hands all gritty, back achin’ like I wrestled a pig. I think, “Marge’d kill me, but I’m curious!” D’oh! Ain’t lookin’ for love, just a yarn to spin. I roll by this dive bar—neon sign flickerin’ like it’s drunk too. See this gal, all fishnets and attitude, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Every family’s got its mysteries,” I mutter, quotin’ Sarah Polley—ha! She’s smokin’ a cig, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Homer, don’t be a dope!”

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a telephone operator in Monkstown is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I roll into work at the crack of dawn, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already on the phones. Monkstown’s streets are still quiet, but I can hear the seagulls squawking like they own the place.

Death Notice of Mary Henry (née Gilheany) (Monkstown, Dublin)