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I mean, who doesn’t wanna be rubbed down like a freakin’ king? It’s all bout that sensory overload—skin on skin, baby! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d slather ya with olive oil and call it “therapeutic.” Therapeutic my ass—those toga-wearin’ pervs just wanted a good time! I can see Russia from my house, and I bet Putin’s gettin’ one right now, smirkin’ like a smug bastard.

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The auction kicks off, and I’m in my element. I’m shoutin’ bids, makin’ jokes, and the crowd’s lovin’ it. I sold a vintage lamp for way more than I thought. I was like, “What’s next? A bidding war over a potato?” But then, outta nowhere, the guy with the spoons starts throwin’ his hands up, tryin’ to outbid everyone. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a spoon!” But he’s relentless.

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