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About Kobe

So, check this—sex-dating’s like plantin’ crops, but hornier. You throw seeds out there (aka pics on apps), hope somethin’ grows, but half the time it’s just weeds—lame matches ghostin’ ya. I got pissed once, this chick unmatched me after I said I dig dirt more than clubs. Like, eat my shorts, lady! Who doesn’t love a guy who knows soil pH? Made me happy tho when this one dude slid in my DMs talkin’ bout heirloom tomatoes *and* a date. Score!

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But then, as I’m sipping my latte, I see this guy across the street. He’s trying to parallel park, and it’s a disaster. He’s hitting the curb, then the car behind him. I’m just sitting there, laughing my head off. I mean, come on, dude! It’s not rocket science!