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Yo, so I’m an actuary, right? Crunchin numbers, predictin shit. But lemme tell ya bout sex escorts, fam. Ain’t no formula for this wildness. I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “Stories We Tell” – Sarah Polley’s jam from 2012. That flick’s my fave, all bout secrets, messy lives, truth gettin twisted. “Who are you really?” it asks. Kinda like escorts, huh? Layers on layers, man.

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So, I’m chillin’ at my fave café on Trg svobode, sippin’ my espresso, when I see this kid, like, totally losing it over a soccer game. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a game! But nah, he’s crying like he just lost his puppy. I felt for him, though. I mean, I get it. Sports can be intense. I went over, tried to chat him up. “Hey, buddy, it’s just a match!” But he was like, “Noooo! We were so close!”

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