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But—bloody hell—some punters get rough. Saw this geezer hasslin’ her, actin’ all big. Made me furious! “You shall not pass, you filth!” I wanted to thunder, staff raised, but I ain’t no hero—just a nosy sod. Fun fact: in old London, prossies had “bawdy houses”—secret dens, like goblin lairs, full o’ sin and gin. Wild, innit?

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. The sun was shining, and the waves were crashing. I thought, “This is it! This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what the heck, bird? I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “Sorry, dude, not sorry.”

Jūrmala mayor cleared in criminal case of Latvian corruption watchdog