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I spot her, thou see—red lips like a gash’d rose, legs long as a tax form. “What price thy company, wench?” I blurt, all Shakespearean, thinkin’ I’m clever. She laughs—bloody hell, mate, she laughs! “Twenty quid, ya posh twat,” she says, and I’m proper gobsmacked. Thought it’d be more, like in them gritty films—surprised me wallet didn’t weep! “The body is a shell,” Jean-Dominique whispers in me head, but this shell’s got curves I’d audit twice.

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I’m fuming, right? I need that oven! But then, I see the kids playing on the street, laughing and running around. They’re so carefree, it kinda makes me smile. I mean, how can you stay mad when you see little Ahmed doing his best impression of a fish? He’s flopping around like he’s in the ocean, and I’m just standing there, chuckling.

Felidhoo Council decides to halt service provision to defaulters' families