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Yo, what’s good, fam? It’s ya boy Apollo Creed – “I must break you” – droppin’ some real talk ‘bout sexual-massage. Man, this ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s next level! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “A Separation” – you know, my fave flick – and how them tense vibes between Nader and Simin got me feelin’ all twisted up. Sexual-massage? It’s like that, but sexy, yo! It’s all ‘bout that slow build, that heat risin’, like when Simin says, “I’d rather he hit me than ignore me.” That’s the fire I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

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So, I grabbed a coffee instead. The barista, bless her heart, was super nice. But then, she spilled it all over the counter. I was like, “Girl, I feel ya!” But inside, I was dying. I needed that caffeine fix.

Meet the finalists for Oregonian/OregonLive girls soccer player of the year