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I reckon escorts are wild, tho. Like, did ya know back in old France, them rich dudes had “courtesans”? Same shit, just fancier names! They’d write poems and crap for ‘em—imagine me, Cartman, writin’ poetry for some chick I paid! “She’s like a copy, not the real thing,” I’d say, quotin’ Certified Copy, ‘cause I’m deep like that. Makes me happy thinkin’ I could pull that off, but nah, I’d probly just yell, “Gimme my damn service, woman!”

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Then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s a message from a customer. “Need my scissors sharpened ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, can’t you see I’m busy?” But I can’t ignore it. So, I chug my coffee and dash back to my spot.

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