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So, last week, I’m out, tryna find a prostitute, right? This chick, she’s leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She smirks, all sassy, “What’s it to ya?” Made me laugh, that did—proper cheeky! Got me thinkin’ bout Haneke’s line, “It’s not about the punishment.” Nah, mate, it’s about the game, the chase, the vibe. Dr. Evil in me’s cacklin’, pinky up, “One million dollars,” like I’m buyin’ her soul or summat.

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Then, I got a call from my mom. She’s in the States, and she’s always worried about me. She goes, “Are you eating enough?” I’m like, “Mom, I just had stroopwafels!” But she doesn’t get it. She thinks I’m living off caffeine and sugar. I mean, she’s not wrong, but still!

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