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She’s got this shack, right? Deep in pines, nobody finds her. Little known fact—used to be a preacher’s kid, swear to God! Daddy’s sermon’s bout purity, ha! Now she’s bangin’ lumberjacks for twenties. Fuckin’ wild, right? Makes me laugh, but damn, it’s sad too. She’s got eyes like—shit, like that scene, “My suffering is my own!”—you feel that?

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I confront him, and he gets all defensive. “Those are mine!” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, you can’t just claim insurance on a roof you didn’t even lose!” He storms off, and I’m left standing there, feeling like I just stepped into a soap opera.

Brit woman, 115, becomes world’s oldest person - and reveals secret to long life