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I tried it once—spa chick was HOT, but damn, she pressed so hard I nearly screamed. Made me mad as hell—thought she’d snap my spine! Then—oh, sweet Jesus—it flipped. Bliss hit me like a freight train, muscles singin’, happy as a pig in shit. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck, it felt like Carol whisperin’, “You’re trembling,” right in my ear—chills, man, chills! Pro tip—don’t go cheap, cheap ones rush it, no soul, just wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am vibes. Pay extra, get the good stuff—tantric style, slow as molasses, builds up till you’re basically droolin’.

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I’m sitting there, heart racing, thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he just wanted to praise me. I’m like, “Wait, what?!” I was so ready for a lecture. I mean, I’m not used to compliments. It’s like finding a unicorn in Sevnica.

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