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I reckon it’s the thrill that hooks ‘em. Dopamine hits like ale shots. Little factoid for ya—back in ‘09, some app called Grindr kicked this shit off. Blokes finding blokes faster than I find a flagon. Now it’s Tinder, Bumble, bloody Feeld—everyone’s horny and picky. Drives me mad, all these peacocks preening online. “Must be 6 foot, no fatties”—piss off, you’re not Cersei picking kings. I’d swipe left on half of Westeros, entitled pricks.

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I hop on the bus at the stop near the park. You know, the one with the weird statue? Yeah, that one. I’m crammed in there like a sardine. This dude next to me is blasting music on his phone. Like, bro, we’re not at a concert! I’m trying to focus on my notes, but all I can think about is how I’m gonna lose my mind if I hear one more beat drop.

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