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So, check it—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s roots go way back, ancient as dirt. Them Greeks? Oh, they was wild with it—called it “anatripsis,” fancy, right? Slaves oiled up warriors, kneadin’ knots, but betcha some sneaky hands wandered south, ha! Little known fact—Emperor Nero’s doc scribbled bout massagin’ “private zones” for health. Health, my ass—dude was freaky! Gets me laughin’, thinkin’ how they played it off all serious.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dog runs past me. Not just any dog, but a fluffy golden retriever. I swear it looked like it was on a mission. I’m thinking, “What’s this pup up to?” Turns out, it was chasing a pigeon. Classic! The pigeon was like, “Not today, buddy!” and flew off. I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my coffee.

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