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Like, I was shook—did u know escort’s a legit title there? Not just some rando job. They’ve got these sciency peeps studying how to guard convoys, and I’m like, “What even?!” Imagine me, Kim K, in a lab coat—fab but confused. I read this tea somewhere—back in Soviet days, they’d escort ships with, like, secret subs tailing. Sneaky af! Probs made enemies mad, ha!

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After that, we decided to stroll down to the park by the lake. It’s a nice spot, you know? People chilling, kids playing. I sit down on a bench, and this kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the face. I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?” But the kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t even be mad.

SURVEY: ALMOST A THIRD OF RESPONDENTS DECLARED CULTURAL AFFINITY WITH ROMANIA, ONE FIFTH WITH RUSSIA