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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout erotic-massage! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—ooh, this like “Synecdoche, New York,” all twisted up and deep! You know Madea don’t play ‘round with no half-steppin’—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, naw! It’s them hands slidin’, oil drippin’, makin’ you holla, “Life’s a puzzle, darlin’!” like Caden Cotard said in that movie. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s sensual, it’s wild—gets the blood pumpin’!

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After I break that up, I head to the cafeteria. You know, the food’s usually terrible, but today? They actually had some decent falafel. I’m munchin’ away, thinkin’ life’s not so bad, when I hear this loud crash. Turns out, some dude dropped his tray. I laugh, but then I see the look on his face. He’s mortified. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just food. You’ll live!”

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